ignorance

And all hope is gone. Vanished into thin air, but I’m not sure how to feel. I don’t feel happy or sad or angry. I think this is an emotion of acceptance. That “waking up and smell the coffee”. Oh I smelt the coffee alright. It’s sweet, yet bitter; it’s bittersweet. All those memories are finally locked in the back of my heart. They refuse to come out, because for so long they have been trying to tell me, what’s in the past cannot be brought to the present. But yet I tried. Every single waking moment, every single beat of a heart, an inhaled and exhaled breath, a blink of an eye, I tried. But my effort was obviously not good enough. But I tried my best, what more can I ask for? I was naive and I am ignorant. I cared too much, and I still do and that is my biggest weakness. I don’t know how to react to things like this. I was never put in this situation nor did I plan on it. But now I know, so I am not that ignorant anymore. You learn something new everyday, and I learned this: That I should live every moment the way it is and if you have that slight nerve to do something; do it. Because it’s not worth it living off of what could have been or what should have been. See? I’m learning each and every day. I’ve been writing a lot lately. Little stupid things like this one. Stringing together words that no one would probably read, but I do it anyways. I’m in a great mood thank you very much for asking. I’m ecstatic. I learned from the weeks i trek walking behind you, hoping you would turn around and even look at me is a person in a state of hope; a person who is borderline insane. I learned that the ignorance I carried on my shoulders, is now hanging from my arms. I’m still attached. I can’t help it. Out of all the experienced I witnessed and witnessed myself, I learned that you can’t choose. It just happens, out of thin air, you are hooked, and you can’t say when you are finally released. Would it be stupid to say that I love you? Yes, yes it would, another naive feeling. It’s funny, when I first started writing this, I was writing my way out, grabbing you away from my heart and throwing you out. But now that I finished, I’m right where i began; running around in hopeless circles.