i wanna be in love

all I'm trying to do is figure you out.

You are a puzzle to me. You confuse me with your sweetness, and baffle me with your harsh acts. But I still come back. You interest me. The puzzlement of your character has lured me into your trap, and I keep coming back for more. Maybe because it’s all new. Maybe because that’s the way you play with our minds. Maybe it’s a relief that I finally found someone that is a mystery to me, and that’s exciting. I never know what to say to you, and I usually plan the conversation in advance, but with you, all the planned conversation goes out the window when I see you, and I just “wing it”.  Is that good? To just “wing it”? To just let life fall in its path; wrecked up or not? What if I sound like a total idiot? All I want to do is figure you out, but the more I try to probe for answers, the less I get. The deeper I get, then more complex it gets. The more I think I know you, the more I don't. Let me in, I won't hurt you. I'm different. Trust me.

Goodbyes

Just Leave.

I know I deserve better than this. You’ve showed me what a good person that I have become, and now I am starting to believe that I can change lives with just a smile. I tried to keep you in my life because I know you will need a friend someday. But you never called. You never messaged me. How can this friendship work if it’s only one way? Am I just that girl that you look at and I have “what could have been” stamped on my forehead? Is that the reason why you can’t deal with me? But yet you still torture me by being in my life. I love you; I love you to the point where I hate you. I hate loving you. I want you to go away and never come back because I deserve to be happy. I deserve it more than any person you talk to in the world. I want you to leave. And when you are ready and when I am ready, maybe you can come back.