i could just scream!
i tried over and over again to restrain myself for not falling in love with him again
i tell myself
`vicky, it`s no use, why would he ever go for a like you. give up
but the thing i learned about myself is that i don`t listen to myself very well. not at all at times.
i tried. and it`s the effort that counts. and i sound like such a hypocrite when i tell people
`you can`t choose who you love` while my own feelings i`m trying to smother.
i guess i really didnt stop loving him, thats why i fall so quickly each time.
because i know that i am really in love with him. even if he`ll never know. and i really don`t plan on telling him anytime soon.
my friend alex who is very good friends with him was saying to me `when you love someone, let it shine`
well alex i did before and it was perfect but it didnt last very long did it.
i`m sorry, that was a very bitter comment. i`m just very upset with myself for letting someone so incredibly perfect slip from my fingertips.
i had him all to myself. he cared for no one but me. me! a who is always second to best. the who people see as a friend and nothing more. the people always look past to the more prettier s beside me.
and yet, he stood there, he liked me! better yet he liked me first!!!
and just the thought brings a smile at the corner of my mouth.
what i`m trying to say Alex, is that he already knows i like him, but he doesn`t know i love him with my complete heart.
he doesn`t know that when he gazes at me with those ice ocean blue eyes, my heart stops.
he doesn`t know that i care about and for him more then his parents do, and thats a fact.
Alex, it`s so hard to love him. and everyone knows that. he has the worst moodswings in the world. one day he is the sweetest most loving person in the world, and the next day he completely ignores me. it`s so hard, but i love loving him. i just do. and i wish, and you don`t know how much i just long to let it shine. and i think i already am letting it shine. i`m shining brighter then the sun itself, and yet when he looks my way to see what the cause of the sudden brightening of the room is, i throw a cloud out and block his view from the happiness i feel from the other side.
it`s a damn rancid thing called love, that causes people to turn borderline insane.