i want to be amazed.

see you later instead of goodbyes

I don’t know where to start, because I don’t know how I feel. I’m swollen with happiness that I’m weighted down with sadness. Can one person really feel that much all at once? I’m going to be frank and honest, you make me smile. You really do. Not like a smile that I know will get crushed, but smile because I know it never will. You will never hurt me like that, because you will never have to. I’m your friend, and I’m so grateful. But I wonder every moment I look at you if it is possible to like a friend so much that it’s unhealthy? It was great meeting you, and befriending you, and laughing with you, and fighting with you. Thank you for being my friend. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I rather love you and have you as my friend, then to love you and not know you at all.  Thank you for letting me in, being the perfect gentlemen you are. Thank you for caring, and most of all, Thank you for every single moment with you. I love you, as a friend. And I’m pretty sure I’m in like with you. No, I’m not in love. I am not that foolish to fall into that hole again, but there is something there, and I’m sorry that you don’t feel that way too. But I have you as my friend, and I am happy with that.

So long my sweet friend. There is no “what could’ve beens” and “what would’ve been” there is only what will happen next.

So long my sweetheart.

oh that jealous bitch

I should not be like this. I have never been this jealous in my life. I am not usually the jealous person, but whenever I see something that you do, or someone does to you that I wish that I was the one either saying it to you or you are saying it to me, I get deep green with envy. This rage and jealousy bubbles at the pit of my stomach and I just want to scream. And I hate it because I don't want it to ruin any friendship ties I have with you or anyone. I just have to calm down. and it is easier said then done. I'm turning into that jealous bitch.

a letter for a concerning parent

FOR THE FUTURE

dear concerned parent,

i know you are concerned, about the happiness and wellness for my heart, but you just need to let me let my heart guide itself. you told me when i was young that i was free to love whomever i want as long as he makes me happy, supports me, loves me, and is good for me. well i am not sure if he is the one, but i need to experiment; but from what i know so far is that he supports my every move, and supports me more than i support myself. he doesn't love me but from what he told me, he's pretty much crazy about me as i am crazy about him. he's good towards every single one of our famly members, and hes good towards me; he's dependant, hardworking and caring, and is a complete gentlemen, so yes in my books, he is good for me. and of course the most obvious statement; he makes me incredibly happy.

i know i am being irrational for falling so much in such a short period of time, but its just the way it happened. i'm smart, and you know it. but i would really appreciate it if you supported me. we are nothing yet, but he is someone i want to spend a lot of years with. He's is someone one who is willing to wait for, and that enough proves to you that he is perfect.

possibility

there's a possibility

there's a possibility
that all I had, is all I gon' get

there's a possibility
there's a possibility
all I gon' get is gon' be yours then
all I gon' get is gon' be yours still

so tell me when you hear my heart stop
your the only one that knows
so tell me when you hear my silence
there's a possibility I wouldn't know

know that when you leave
know that when you leave
by blood and by me, you walk like a thief
by blood and by me and I'll fall when you leave

so tell me when you hear my heart stop
you're the only one that knows
tell me when you hear my silence
there's a possibility I wouldn't know

so tell me when my silence's over
you're the reason why I'm closed
tell me when you hear me falling
there's a possibility it wouldn't show

by blood and by me, I'll fall when you leave
by blood and by lead, I'll follow your lead