an introvert weekend

I didn't feel like being social today, so I stayed indoors, like the hermit I am. I read, and watched lived my social life through numerous episodes of Gossip Girl. The life I kinda wish I had. The easiness, the love, the fame. but I could live without the scandal. But what is fame? its something that drives you into a greedy green eyed monster. so maybe fame isn't a bad thing.

I am slowly catching up on my readings, and every sentence I am writing here, I regret. Why? Because I wish my life was more exciting for everyone to read. I want my life to be something that someone sits down and absorbs themselves into my life, and yearn for answers at the end of the  "episode" well folks, the season has hit a hiatus. maybe life will turn up in my pocket again one day

til then
I'm stuck being the bored weird one.
goodnight

i use to think i'd die with out you, and now, i know dying would be easier than facing this insanity

What a boring life

so, its been awhile since I've actually written something worthwhile. but to tell you the truth, i have nothing to blog about. nothing is exciting, nothing is new. nothing is happening. not that i want drama, who wants that? but I want something exciting. I need some excitement in my life. I know that its fictional, but I wish the excitement and thrill that you see in movies were real. the thrill of love, the excitement of doing things youve never done before. but honestly nothing is happening. I believe that is because I am commuting from home for university. Because all i do is go to school, then I go homes and i have no social life whatsoever. Depressing isn't it? I think so. But I will change it. But i just have to get my head on striaght. I've started my journal again, but I stopped. I feel like I haven't been approaching my artistic side of life very much. But I promise to do better. I will learn how to play guitar. And that means learning more than 2 songs. I will be on the top of everything. I will be poetic. I will find excitement in my life.

til then
goodnight world. and thanks for keeping up with me. whoever you are. even if its one person, thank you.

not easily read

i can usually read people. I am very good at that. I can tell when they are having a bad day and why. I can tell when they are annoyed, happy, anything. But you confuse me. I don't know what to think anymore. If you are happy, angry, sad. You confuse me.

smile

you make so happy.

My Resolutions

The first resolution that popped my head as the new year rolled around while watching the ball drop on tv in New York City Time Square was to laugh, and smile, and mean it. This is a new year, and it’s going to be a happy one, and I’m going to smile my way through it like a healthy human.

second, is to love.

third is to not forget. I will not try to shove every non-happy memory that I’ve felt in my life. Yes it will be nice to forget, but this is something that has happened and we can’t let go. But what the past is, is something that we learn something new in the past, and changes everything we know in the present. Because when we try to forget and successfully do, we are bound to repeat the same mistake. So no more trying to forget.

fourth is to fulfill my dream, and it will be my new years resolution until the day I reach my destination. I may not fulfill my dream in one year, but one big step towards it is good enough. I will develop amazing study skills, and use my time wisely. I will go into the midterms and exams with a firm chin and a sense of courage that I’m going to walk out of a smile on my face and a sigh of satisfaction that I’m going to do okay.

fifth is to be friendly. To try hard not to disappoint, and to refrain from causing hurt and pain to anyone. with some exceptions

sixth is to learn how to say no once in a while.

seventh is not to feel guilty at every little thing.

eighth to have a bigger backbone, and if I fail to do so, then I shall build the tiny backbone that I have to be strong as a diamond.

nine is become fit.

ten is to see through the shell of a person and learn about the soul until I make my judgements

eleven is to make my parents laugh and smile more than they have ever done last year

twelve is to be artistic, and wild, and crazy, more than usual

thirteenth, is to be myself, and not be afraid to do so, because being yourself is much better than trying to act like someone you don’t agree with

fourteenth is to keep my morals, and stay true to them, not for them, not for anyone but myself.

fifteenth is to take the first step to accept myself

sixteenth, as always is to keep every single promise I make, and only make promises that I know I can keep.

it's funny how these things work

its the second day of the new year, and I already don't like you. you never changed; at all, and you are still the stubborn bitch I've ever known in my whole life. Honestly. If you don't change, I don't want to know you anymore.